March 11, 2009

Mantling the Burden of Responsibility

As many of you know, I am currently attending school at The Salvation Army College for Officer Training or CFOT. I have made it no secret that I have some issues with the Army. Its established systems have been somewhat of a headache for me. They have created barriers in ministry and have often times been a stumbling block in my own relationship with God. It might be said of me that I am somewhat of a “free spirit”, which seems to clash with the whole chain of command/ following orders idea. So why am I here? If this atmosphere is so against my nature what would motivate me to put myself through this? That seems to be the unanswerable question. My hope today is to shed some light on the issue.

First of all I would like to lay down some foundation; specifically the perspective from which this thought process originates and this is it: I found out a long time ago that when God tells you to do something you better do it. Coming from that position when I was called to officership I had to obey. But obedience does not necessarily constitute acceptance. I don’t have time for God, not with all these extra things thrown on my plate. I can’t hope to maintain in this environment and still make time for the ministry God has called me to. I am not fit to lead a people who have been nothing but a burden in my life. It is too much for God to ask. But is this what He has asked of me?

In Exodus the LORD give Moses the Law and the design for the Tabernacle. Along with the design for the Tabernacle are given the priestly garments, one of which is the ephod. It is within the arena of the ephod where this my Jacob’s wrestling match takes place.

The ephod was a vest-like garment that the high priest wore. It bore two stones with the names of the tribes of Israel. It was a reminder to the priest that he stood before God not on his behalf, but on behalf of the entire nation. That realization alone is enough to drive a man to his knees.

In a similar way the Salvation Army tunic is a constant reminder of just exactly what it is God has asked of me. Every day that I wake up it is a burden I put on in acceptance of that responsibility, not because of anything I am capable of, for I know I am not, but because I have faith that God will use me to carry out his will even when I am not. The burden forces me into a place where I can do nothing but rely on God. It pushes me deeper into my Lord than I could ever hope to press on my own. And that is why, though I do not like it, accept all it stand for or even think it looks presentable, I choose every day to wear the Salvation Army uniform and all that comes with it.


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1 comment:

LoriM said...

I liked reading your thoughts here because I've wondered about this for you - just knowing you a little bit I can tell you're a free spirit and I've been curious how that fits in with Army officership. Have you met other free spirits there? Is it possible there would be a more experienced free spirit Army person (officer?) who could be your mentor? I'm going to pray for that fellowship for you.