These were the words I heard from a little boy as he came up to me, tears in his eyes, and asked me to help him find joy in his life.
Aaron is new to youth activities in The Salvation Army. He has not had the time to develop strong friendships within its borders. As he poured out the loneliness in his heart it hit me in just the right place.
As I listened to this little boy's plight of how he didn't have any friends and how the friends he did have didn't want to play with him I noticed would not look at me. Such shame. How could some one so young feel so much guilt that even though at the tail end of an evening of fellowship his feelings of isolation would not allow him to look at me? And perhaps even more disturbing, how could I be connecting with him on such a deep level?
I assured Aaron that he was not alone, that we loved him, that I loved him and that Jesus loves him. I reminded him that while Jesus never leaves us or forsakes us sometimes we need friends who can see that for us when we can't see it for ourselves. We prayed together thanking God for always being there for us and I asked God to bring Aaron a special friend who he can be close and share life with.
Aaron left that moment without my knowing just how much he took away from it but he did seem to have a brightness about him. I however chose to stay in that moment a little while longer. I noticed a tear begin to form in my eye as I realized that Aaron was me. The reason I connected so deeply with Aaron was because he had managed to put into words feelings I had been wrestling with since I was his age. "Nobody wants to play with me." Finally those feelings had a name. Loneliness.
It was not until those feelings were given a name that they could be dealt with. Seeing them in light of this new revelation freed me to look around and see those who I have met along the way. My circumstances more that prove the falsehood of what I had been telling myself for years. It was the darkness of my shame which kept me from seeing my reality. I am not alone; nor have I ever been.
There exist those who have gone before me and others who will follow in my footsteps but it was Aaron, who walked beside me as Christ, as we plunged into the death of loneliness only to shed that very same loneliness and step into the light as new creations.
"To teach a man about loneliness only teaches him to recognize it all the more readily. It is not until you become lonely with him that he is truly saved."
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Today's blog is dedicated to and inspired by Aaron McKeen of The Salvation Army, Mitchell, SD.
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5 comments:
Wow. . .very touching. I'm sure a lot of people (myself included) can relate with that kind of intense lonliness. In my case being the homeschooled Christian kid didn't help much.
I will pray for Aaron.
Dang Ryan. You left me speechless with this one. I've seen myself as Aaron many days, but unfortunately , in the pas, I know I've also been the kid that didn't play with Aaron.
Thanks for putting this out there. I sometimes wish I could be a bit more vulnerable and admit to some of these things; it helps to see someone else with the strength to do it.
Lonliness can be such an empty feeling, yet we often wish for quiet, for peace, for less "drama". I love that no matter how lonely we feel, God is always with us. This reminds me of the "footprints" poem.
At the very beginning of this story, however, I couldn't help but automatically think about how strangers must feel when they visit our places of worship. Do we really welcome the seeking as Christ would? Do we seek out those who are unfamiliar at our various places of worship? We might be Aaron's only link to knowledge about God, will we be the ones to answer that call?
Before the church can reach out to others like Aaron we must first recognize them in ourselves and allow Godto reach out to us. Until tha happens we can not hope to reach out to others. The blind leading the blind.
True, however, I believe that a place of worship is for anyone and that even if you are "blind" you must reach out. Will any one of us ever claim to know all? It is important to recognize that as believers we will never know all and if we wait to reach out until we do, opportunities will be missed.
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